I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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