Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
