I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
