I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
