Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
