i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
