Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
