Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's like iHOP with fire
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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