I faked an abortion last night.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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