Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
