sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
