Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
