It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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