Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
