Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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