No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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