so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
two words...techno handjob
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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