and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
