I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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