Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
