..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
