Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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