every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
