dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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