my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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