just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
