Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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