Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
