It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
