Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
