she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
