you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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