Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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