wanna go halves on a baby?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
