I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
