Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
