Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
