Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
