took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
