wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize