i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
