i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
