She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
