I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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