I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
