Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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