apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
