I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
