Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
