hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
