i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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