thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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