It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize