Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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