Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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