Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
