Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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