mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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