I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
