u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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