I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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