and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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