Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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