This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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