I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
