dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
