woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
