You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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