i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
