Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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