sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize