I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
