My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
