I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
