another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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