New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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