I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
