Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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