i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
