God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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